Hillary “Stick-a-Rod-up-your-$@!.” Clinton (D-IWBSFBSITW*)
Yeah. Me too. But she is running. Ah, screw it.
Kevin’s Presidency Review: 1/10.
Barack “I’m not #@!$ing related to Saddam Hussein” Obama (D-IL)
My hair used to look like his. Nat’s, not Barack’s.
Some people have problems with my friend Barack. Many complaints are with his “inexperiance”. Well, we could elect another former Governor and experianced politican. Look how well that worked over the past 8 years.
Some people also have trouble with his middle name. It’s Hussien. So, if he isn’t suitable for the President because his middle name is the same name as an “enemy” of the US, then I’m perfectly suitable for the Presidency since my middle name is the same name as Jesus’s mother’s husband. So elect Dupuy 2032.
Kevin’s Presidency Review: 6/10.
John “McFricken Old” Mc(War)Cain. (R-AZ)
I’ve figured out the problem.
John McCain is caring about America. He is also most likely right outside your apartment or house or box with an AK-47, yelling “You support Ron fricken’ Paul? You terrorist!”. Yes, he would like to stay in Iraq for 100 years. We should ship him over there for 100 years. How fun.
Kevin’s Presidential Review: -100,000/10
Ron “11 votes in West Baton Rouge Parish, LA” Paul (R-TX)
Or my personal favorite…
Ah, Ron Paul. The dark horse of the Republican race. The guy the media doesn’t cover. The only politician to actually get my lazy ass out of bed and hand out fliers and stuff. I like Ron Paul.
Kevin’s Presidency Review: 11/10
Alan “Who the hell is Alan Keyes?” Keyes (R-WTHK?**)
Alan Keyes. Also known as the guy who argues exactly like myself. And also they guy who looks a lot like my doctor.
Also known as the candidate no one’s ever heard of.
Kevin’s Presidential Review: 2/10
(One for arguing like me, one for realizing that not all of the Republicans are old white guys. Thank God.)
Katherine “How hard is it to win the Green party nomination?” Swift (G-TX)
Kat Swift is apparently throwing her hopes on Ralph “What the hell am I doing here?” Nader not joining in the Green party Presidential nomination. Personally, I like her opinions toward some things better than Ron Paul’s, although I still don’t agree with global warming. And she called us humans “pesky”. Not all of us are pesky. Just the neocons (see John McCain, above).
Kevin’s Presidential Review: 10/10.
Noticed you’re favorite candidate was missing? Bite me.
Mike Huckabee fans: Send Chuck Norris my way. I’ll take care of him.
*In whoever’s bed she finds Bill sleeping in this week.
**Who the hell knows?
